Don’t quarrel = good relationship? Marriage experts reveal "Omendations of husband and wife s dialogue" to detect the crisis of breakdown

What is the definition of "good couple"? "No quarrel" does not mean "good relationship". The key to making a successful marriage is the same mindset based on mutual trust, honesty and common goals. Japanese marriage consultation service G 's Agency operator Kumiko Yamamoto combines her 9 years of marriage experience in her book to deeply analyze why "a heart for husband and wife" can make relationships more stable, and share how to avoid the occurrence of emotional cracks through dialogue, common goals and early detection of problems.

A survey of 250 men and women in Japan, including 20 to 60, showed that more than half of the visitors "have never quarreled" or "have almost never quarreled". However, Yamamoto Kumiko's view is that "no quarrels = good relationships" are not valid.

It is true that some couples do not quarrel because they are in a harmonious and constructive manner, but more often, one party swallows their opinions to avoid conflict. Based on past consultation experiences, this situation is quite common. Yamamoto defines the "couple and wife with good relationships" as "couple and wife who can make life better." When the two form a strong partner relationship, they promote life to become better together, and their emotional foundation is naturally stable.

The common understanding that home is a safe place, and dialogue will increase

Yamamoto and her husband did not have a smooth relationship from the beginning. She admitted that she would easily lose her feelings as soon as she expressed her opinions, and it was difficult to speak sincerely. So the couple tried, communicated and adjusted step by step, and gradually created a relationship of "husband and wife's one heart".

Before getting married, one day my husband told her, "I have worked hard outside and I want to relax when I get home, so we have to help each other and make the family a safe port for us." A safe port means a place without pressure and peace of mind. When the home becomes a safe land, the time spent at home increases naturally, and conversations naturally increase, and there will be more intentional discussions between couples. Through communication, you can understand the other party’s value and life vision, convey your own ideas, and then adjust each other’s thoughts, so that the couple will naturally form a common goal.

After becoming a full-time host in marriage, Yamamoto discussed future blueprints with her husband many times, gradually developing the idea of ​​"using the perspective of a host to help people in need" and put it into practice. This is because couples have clear consensus on the future and constantly discuss "what should we maintain in order to achieve goals."

The root of everything is dialogue. The more dialogues, the more likely they are to have new discoveries. If a couple does not establish a safe and secure dialogue foundation, excessive pursuit of new challenges will only lead to the rupture of the relationship. Once a "husband and wife's one mind" is established, the home becomes a safe port, and dialogue and understanding will deepen, and gradually find the common goal of the couple.

When the subject is regarded as "our business" and "we" when the couple's goals are consistent, the subject of the discussion is no longer "you" and "me", but "we". For example, in the early stages of marriage, Yamamoto's first discussion was about the children's problems. Although both parties want children, because of infertility, the wife originally planned to do the inspection by herself, but she did not expect that her husband would accompany her and thought that "since they are two children, the test of them must be done together." As a result, it was found that both prescriptions were not easy to conceive, so they could start treatment as soon as possible. This "our business" attitude can make couples more motivated and more likely to succeed when facing all challenges.

Point out "oster" in advance to avoid major problems

Most marriage problems or divorce crisis, and the cause can be found when you follow up after the incident —— that is "oster". Before things get bad, spider horses often appear, but if no one points them out, they are easily overlooked. Since outsiders rarely risk being scolded to remind you, the only ones who can remind you in time are usually only friends.

Expressing behavior from language to habits. If it may cause major problems such as illness, affair, and money disputes, it must be pointed out in time, otherwise the consequences may be difficult to recover. By talking regularly, treating all questions as “our business”, you can see and correct your direction in advance.

Adults have stronger self-esteem due to experience accumulation and are prone to stick to their own views. But even so, please stay open at least with your partner. Because there may be important signs or potential problems hidden in those words.